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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
