you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
