My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
