i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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