turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
