so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
