youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
