I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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