Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you repeat that, but with context?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
