she was so not down for the gang bang
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
