I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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