I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
