Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
