I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
