of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
