A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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