dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
