I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
