But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
