One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize