i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
BRING THE BAGELS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
