i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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