i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
