hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
