I just pynch a tree in the face
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
