Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Mom said you looked used
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
