Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
