You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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