Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
