you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
