At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
