I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
