her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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