yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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