someone threw a dead crab at me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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