I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
