i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
