He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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