I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
