all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
