I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
