Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
