Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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