forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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