It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
