BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
