whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize