the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
