a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
