Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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