I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
