You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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