Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
