But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
