the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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