I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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