What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
