so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
