There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
