Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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