My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
