WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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