:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
