I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
