I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
