The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
