I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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